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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24277834">leaving you behind.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MostlyFandomTrash/pseuds/MostlyFandomTrash'>MostlyFandomTrash</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M, POV Second Person, sirius runs away</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-03 00:53:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,174</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24277834</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MostlyFandomTrash/pseuds/MostlyFandomTrash</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>your older brother is standing in the middle of your bedroom doorway and his hands are shaking and his voice is rough and what you ask him what he wants he says, " i'm leaving. i can't stay here anymore ; it's killing me. "</p>
<p>/</p>
<p>or; sirius leaves.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>leaving you behind.</h2></a>
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    <sub>your older brother is standing in the middle of your bedroom doorway with a bag slung over his shoulder and the sort of look in his eyes that you have come to know as mother's least favorite of all. you are trying to re - read your favorite book again. your older brother is standing in the middle of your bedroom doorway and his hands are shaking and his voice is rough and what you ask him what he wants he says, " i'm leaving. i can't stay here anymore ; it's killing me. " and you feel the blood in you veins ( blood that you still share with him, despite everything that your parents have said to the contrary ) turn to ice. you let the book fall to the floor at your feet and the only thing that you can say is, " you can't. she'll kill you, or me, or both of us. "<br/><br/>and your older brother laughs ; you've heard him laugh like this before, like the world could come crashing down around him and he wouldn't care -- you try not to think about how you can already see the cracks in your word start to grow steadily bigger the longer you keep talking to him -- and maybe you watch a flash of regret go across his features, but this is your older brother. he is just as bad at showing his feelings than any member of your family. keep it bottle up, up, up, until you inevitably get shaken a little to hard and explode, right?<br/><br/>" she won't kill you, stupid, you're her favorite. " your older brother says, and the cracks in the world just keep getting bigger. you know exactly where he's going when he leaves your house -- not your home, because since you were eleven and wide - eyes and so, so blind, your home has been a four poster bed inside a place you've come to love and a place you'll have to leave in a few years time. because, your home has recently become a corner table in a library, piled high with books and a boy shaking all over with barely contained laughter at the latest stupid thing you've said. because, your home has been for as long as you ever can remember the older brother standing in your bedroom doorway with trembling shoulders and hands that are balled up into fists and the sort of look in his eyes that your mother has come to despise. " she won't kill you, because she needs an heir. she always, always needs an heir. "<br/><br/>and you watch the subtle way your older brother slowly unfurls his fists and presses his palms flat against his leg to keep them steady. you don't think you could stand up if you tried, and you say, " you're the heir. " it has always been a fact of your life, something that you are comfortable with despite everyone you know saying what a shame it is in recent years, and to change it now might be disastrous to everything in your life. " you're the heir, i can't. . . i can't be the heir. you can't leave. " <em>me</em>, you don't say. <em>you can't leave me.</em><br/><br/>your older brother takes a few steps into your room, his long strides bringing him closer to your chair than you think that you like right now, for this conversation. he isn't even supposed to be in your room, father would not be pleased. " i have to. " your older brother doesn't look you in the eyes. " even if she doesn't outright kill me, if i stay in this goddamn house for even one more year, i think i might die. " and you stand up, you cross the last few steps to your older brother, and you force him to look you in the eyes. he's sixteen years old to your fourteen, but you have never been more happy for your growth spurt than you are right now. " please, " you say, and you can hear the way your voice cracks on the word, " please, please, please, please, you can't just leave. you can't. . . you can't just leave me here. "<br/><br/>" come with me. " your older brother says, and in the sixty seconds it takes you not to awnser he steps back with the sort of look in his eyes that you think you have come to hate as well. your older brother reaches up and runs his hands through his hair -- it's longer now, than it was the last time you really spoke to him, and you know for a fact that all it does is make mother hate him even more because he looks so, so, so much like father ( you don't think he realizes ) -- like that'll stop the bad things from happening. " you really don't want to stay here, do you? " he asks. " do you want to stay here, huh? with, with her? you know what she'll do once she realizes that i'm gone, don't you? "<br/><br/>" she'll tear the house and everything in it apart, " you reply, lowering your gaze to the darkened hard wood floor of your bedroom. you hate it. " she'll destroy anything that gets in her way, which will probably be me more likely than not ; and then, whether i had anything at all to do with you escaping or not, she will turn her wand on me and i won't remember anything until morning. so, yes, i do know what she will do when she finds you gone. but, i am not you ! i'm not brave, or reckless, or impulsive, or any of those damn things that you so pride yourself on being, sirius ! "<br/><br/>your older brother flinches back at the force if you words, hurled at him like shards if glass that will take forever to get out of his skin -- both of you should know, you had watched him be thrown into a mirrow once or twice during one of mother's fits -- and his hands curl back into fists at his sides. his shoulders stop shaking. " i never said you were. i just thought you might want to get out of here, same as me. "<br/><br/>" i do. "<br/><br/>" not enough, apperently. " your older brother says, and you don't move as he turns and stalks out your bedroom with all the force of an angry wolf. you until you don't move as you hear your mother's voice raise octaves when she starts to scream at him to put the floo powder down. you don't move as you hear the whooshing of the fireplace and the dead silence that follows in the moment afterwards. </sub>
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<p>
  <sup></sup>
  <sub>/</sub><br/><br/>when he hears his mother slam her bedroom door, when he waits for the inevitable crash of something ( or someone ) hitting the wall, regulus black slowly crumbles. his knees hit the hard wood floor with force that he knows will leave bruises -- but bruises, he knows, won't be the worst of his problems when his mother gets done with him. the air seems to leave his lungs, and when his forehead touches the cold wood : regulus black starts to sob.
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